I Burned Down 3 Businesses Before I Learned This ONE Lesson About Money

Ainsley Micallef
Jan 17
5 min read

Updated: Feb 10

If you're a little neurodivergent like me, you know the drill: You get a new business idea - get all excited, write millions of notes in your journal, build the website, announce to the world that you've got this new business...

and then, right before you start creating content? You bomb out and go and hide for another 6 months.

Another half-finished business in a file on your desktop, lots of smoke, no fire and more money down the drain.

For years, I thought this was a "Strategy Problem" (that's only part of it). I'd made tons of money before... and couldn't figure out why I couldn't push the button on this "next great business idea".

But it wasn't because of the strategy.

And it wasn't just a fear of success problem.

It was a Money Obsession problem.

The desperate crave in my body for money was short circuiting my brain and making it IMPOSSIBLE to think clearly to execute the strategy properly... to make the money.

This is called a micro-resistance, where your desire for money is there, but your fear of business success makes you do subtle things that sabotage you from getting it (for example, having a course you want to sell, but only posting about it once, no one buys it and then saying, 'No one wants to buy from me' - instead of promoting the hell out of it and monitoring the views so you can tweak it if it's the copy).

From Successful Boss Babe to Broke Barista (it's meant to go the other way!)

I started my first business in 2006 as a Dating Coach for men - I then did a few years as a speaker/trainer as well.

So by 2012, I was making tons of money, feeling rich, blowing my cash and thinking that I was finally 'there' and that was that.

And I think that's what many people do. They think, "Holy shit, I've made it!" and that they'll never have to worry about money again.

But success is fragile when you don't have the right mindset to manage money and your business properly.

I didn't know that at the time... I just saw all this money (and success stories of clients - because without them, I wouldn't have that) - so my ego was too big for the door.

Then I Broke The Business

Because I was surrounded by business coaches, I thought I'd abandon the date coaching and pivot into business coaching.

6 months later? Barely a cent was made and I was back working in a café getting bossed around by 20yr olds.

But while I was working, I clawed my way back to Date Coaching, started making money again... and then Facebook banned my ads account.

Overnight, one week before Christmas in 2014, my very successful business went from hero to zero. I woke up to the dreaded red text in my ads account and had this very visceral reaction of panic all through my body.

And I didn't realise it at the time, but that reaction fused a trauma wire in my brain.

It taught my nervous system: "Business is dangerous. Success doesn't last. The floor can drop out at any second."

The 6-Year 'Fear of Success in Business' Freeze

I spent the next two years housesitting in Mexico and Costa Rica, trying to rebuild - but because my brain was in Self-Protection Mode, I'd sit there for hours every day madly posting, making offers, creating courses... and I WAS making money.

But my fears kept choking the flow of it with inconsistency, letting my emotions get in the way and continuously doing these micro-resistances, where I didn't know what I was doing wrong... but I couldn't get back to things like I had before.

Because all through that time, humming along in the background was my fear of crashing out again, so I kept subconsciously creating the failure.

I'd create a course, offer it, make a few hundred bucks - and then burn it down (i.e. not promote it more, retreat back into my cave and cry that "no one wants to buy from me")... and around and around it went for 6 years.

It got so bad that I was getting panic attacks just writing content.

*This is me in the middle of a full blown panic attack trying to film a reel.*

I started 3 more brands in 6 years - and none of them stuck because I kept giving up before they got anywhere - because I was terrified of losing it again (better to reject yourself than someone else, right?).

I felt stuck in a box I couldn't get out of.

I couldn't think straight, see straight and every day was met with panic attacks, overwhelm... and bottles of Yellow Tail Shiraz.

It wasn't until I studied Counselling that I understood what was going on. I then did my Hypnotherapy Diploma and was able to heal my nervous system and undo those limiting beliefs. So in the copious amounts of self work (and study) I did, I came to one simple conclusion...

It's NEVER About The Money - Even if That's What You Need

We think we're after money, but there's always some hidden player in your subconscious kicking up micro-resistances that actually have very little to do with money - and more to do with making yourself vulnerable... due to fear of success.

Regardless of the 'trigger' moment, it's the fear of vulnerability that really brings us to our knees and holds us back from making the money we want.

The Lesson: Obsession Repels Income

I realized that every decision I made was messy, chaotic, and driven by one thing: "I NEED MONEY"

When you are obsessed with your own needs, you stop thinking about Service.

My desperation overrode my desire to help people.

I wasn't thinking: "How can I serve this client?" I was thinking: "How can I get money in the bank?" which is still a necessity - but like the random dude asking for sex in your DMs, the 'take' energy drips out of your pores.

Clients can smell it.

It feels disingenuous. It lacks care.

And ironically, by being so money focused (over service focused), people are less likely to pay us.

The Shift From "Needy" to "Neutral"

I didn't start making money again until I stopped needing it to regulate my emotions and fix my nervous system first.

The path started with:

Slow, patient consistency: Respecting the process and allowing my brain to master skills
Neutrality around money: Treating money like a tool and an exchange of value for my work
Ignoring my dreams: Yes I had them, but lusting after them would distract me from the day to day work