Financial Control: This Is How You Take Control of Your Relationship With Money

If you have a chaotic relationship with money (where feast + famine are your only meal times), here's how to channel your inner Rich Chick by taking control of it... from how much you make, to how to grow it for your future.

Hands up if growing up, you were given an allowance as a kid. 🙋‍♀️

And now hands up if you had a job before starting your own business. 🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️

Congratulations!

You're one of the many millions (billions?) of us who were conditioned from a very young age that money is given to you by someone else who controls the amount.

And this conditioning can make us feel powerless, because all of our actions and money decisions are created by that conditioned belief that we have no control over money.

We relied on other people to give it to us in discriminate amounts pre-business - and now we're meant to be handling an abundance of money?

For many women in business, that can be too overwhelming to handle.

And when we take that 'employee' mindset into business, we cap ourselves by sabotaging very real opportunities to get paid more money than ever before.

It's kinda like this classic photo...

Where subconsciously, you think the power over you from money is so strong, that you'll stand there feeling powerless, waiting for someone else to decide how much you get.

How Was Mum + Dad With Money Growing Up?

Our beliefs around money are formed first of all by our parents (or other guardians).

Then once society gets its grubby little hands on us, it starts brainwashing us into powerlessness around money.

And if you look at social media comments, you can see people's money limitations through their hate against 'the system' (yes, the system sucks, the cost of living is out of control - but that's why we need to be resourceful ourselves).

Those comments are evidence that that person believes they have no control over their financial situation.

Quick Note: I don't say that to disregard or disrespect people who are genuinely struggling - and there's nuance to personal situations (everything I teach comes from my own money issues - everything I write or say is to my '10yrs ago self'... and anyone else who's nodding along).

So over the years, that relationship with money became less about comfort and more about avoiding landmines.

This brainwashing injected fear and trepidation around money into your psyche, locked you under a ceiling - and as a result, you do these things in your business;

• Undercharge because you don't want to "rip people off" (Hot tip: you can be in integrity and still make a ton of cash).

  
  

• Over-give or pushy sell and wonder why no one's buying.

  
  

• Panic spend. When you get paid, you get rid of it as quickly as possible.

  
  

• Roleplay Rich. Spend too much to look the part while going broke behind the scenes.

  
  

• Distrust yourself. Listen to people who have no business giving you business advice (or listen to too much business advice).

So it's this money roller coaster that's fraught with highs and lows, creating anxiety, depression, frustration, powerlessness... and never really getting anywhere in your business.

The Fundamental Baseline for Your "Rich Chick Era"

If you don't learn anything else from me, just take this one thing away...

"All of the above comes from the baseline belief that you have no control over money."

And because you believe that, you live in constant money chaos.

It's like someone throwing you a hot potato, and instead of throwing it away, you juggle it from hand to hand complaining that it's too hot.

There's a solution there, but you can't see it because fight/flight/freeze can literally make us go dumb.

It renders us unable to use our Executive Function (Pre-Frontal Cortex) to make a clear decision to change the situation (tbf it's a slight design flaw, when our best tools for survival - decision making + logic - are literally shut off because of our fear).

And that's what these old experiences have created within you, someone with a tapped out nervous system who's struggling to find a way out of your money situation...

because you don't believe you're in control.

And look, logically we know that already. We know it's up to us to do the work to make the money.

But your subconscious mind is still that 13yr old girl who's being given $20 by your parents for the week... and then being guilt tripped because, "We can't really afford this, so you’d BETTER be good".

So money becomes something hanging over your head and slightly out of reach like a dangling carrot... and that's how you handle it even when you have it.

That's the slow boiling frog of money trauma. Your parents are passing their own money stress and traumas onto you... and down the line it goes like a little conga dance.

It's Time To Get Off The Money Roller Coaster For Good!

So how do you start turning this cashflow boat around?

1. Stop blaming your parents. They did what they could with what they knew. They were trying to keep their own heads above water. (As I got older, I realised my parents were just humans figuring out life too. It’s sobering to realise they aren't all-knowing beings + they have their own stuff to deal with).*

2. Say the Magic Words. Say to yourself: "I'm in control of my own money situation". See how that feels in your body. If you feel a jump, a tighten, or a doubt, keep saying it until that sensation softens. That reaction is the "Part" of you that doesn't believe it yet.

3. The Thank You Technique. The next step is to say 'Thank you' to the fear. Thanking the part of you that's stressed calms your nervous system. It’s like a 3-year-old tugging your sleeve; if you give him 30 seconds of focused attention, he'll run off to play with his friends again.

When you work with the fearful parts of yourself (instead of trying to fight them off), you become whole.

And whole people make money (and hold onto it) WAY more than people who are chaotic with it.

Also, Know This: Money Doesn't Solve Money Problems

"WHAT????"

Yeah. It doesn't.

Because when you get money, it pays the bills, gets you groceries... and then what happens?

More bills come, you need to keep eating and that roof needs to stay over your head. So you need more money.

It's a pattern that needs to be broken completely.

Just like lottery winners who blow their millions within 2 years and end up in even worse debt than before...

If you don't fix your mindset and TAKE CONTROL of your money, you'll keep riding this feast vs famine roller coaster until you're 89yrs old and stuck in a dusty old nursing home eating jelly through a straw.

Money Intelligence Solves Money Problems

Wanna know how most people grow wealth?

They don't waste money when they're poor.

They keep investing that money into things that make them more money (e.g. their business).

THEN they buy the mansions, boats and Lambos when they're financially secure.

Not the other way round.

And that's the difference between looking rich... and building wealth.

Looking rich is wasting your money on crap so other people think you're rich (Money Dumb).

Building wealth is stacking your money, making calculated investments and honouring your bills, debts and other expenses BEFORE blowing $3000 on a handbag (Money Intelligent).

A Cautionary Tale: "Investing" vs. "Gambling"

In my 20 years of business, I can tell you that it's VERY easy to waste money on stuff you don't need.

Software subscriptions alone have increased the death toll of many business owners.

I used to treat my business like a gambling addiction. And I couldn't see the losses, because I thought I was INVESTING... but in many cases, the ROI was -$000's.

I was stuck in this mindset of, "It's coming, it's happening" and after the 8,000th eyeroll from a family member at our Tuesday night dinners, I knew I was full of crap and was doing something VERY wrong.

I had to get honest with myself and look at what I was doing... and I realised I'd swapped out drugs and partying with literal "gambling in my business" addiction. But because it was "in the name of investing in my business", I thought I was being very clever.

And I wasted THOUSANDS of dollars on stuff I didn't need, nor use.

Hot Tip: I use WIX for almost everything. $16 a month gives me everything I need, to do everything I need. You don't need to blow a stack to make a stack. I'm not affiliated BTW.

So It's Time To Get Honest

What are you lying to yourself about?

And how is that feeding into your lack of control around money?

Where can you cut back and get smart?

Being mindful about money is the best feeling ever.

That sense of control you get when you see your debts drop, savings rise, your income grows and your nervous system breathes a sigh of relief?

THAT'S WHAT PEACE FEELS LIKE!

Ains 😍